Revising Your Personal Narrative

Why Revise?

Reason 1

This piece is personal and meaningful to you. In order to make it as moving and important to the reader as it can be, you need to revise it. You will make the best parts even better, and make the weak parts stronger. You will take some parts out, move some parts around, change words, elaborate, add, change your mind, and change your mind again. It is all part of the process of improving this piece of writing.

Reason 2

It is required. All writing can be better than the first draft, and all writers professional or students can write better. Revision is the process of not only making a certain piece better, but becoming a more proficient writer. Writing better is what we do in English class, therefore you must revise. Take heart; it is better you should revise your memoir, which is supposed to be a piece you care deeply about, rather than a piece you don't care about at all. It is enjoyable to see a piece you are invested in come to life. Trust me. You have to do it anyway.

How to Revise

Revision Defined

Revise = to see again. You are going to look at your piece with new eyes. Fortunately, you are not alone. I will be conferencing with you before you even begin revising your piece. We will discuss what you wanted to get across in your piece and how you can do it more effectively. You will be expected to integrate the advice from our conference into your second draft.

Show Don't Tell

One of the most frequent changes beginning writers are asked to make is to "show don't tell." Review our classwork on this topic. Remember not to ask the reader to believe you that something is ugly, bad, or nice. Instead, show the reader using details that make the reader feel it with you. Use description, reactions, action verbs, and create a scene. Try to avoid telling us that you felt sad, when you can show us you felt sad, and at the same time, we'll feel sad with you. Here are some show don't tell and sensory detail exercises to help with the concept.

Telling the Story

Some of first drafts did not yet focus on one incident or a story. Use the revising exercise "Telling the Story" to help you make sure you have a plot.

Other Common changes

Frequently you will also need to: add more description, add dialogue, or use sensory details to create a setting or character. Use all the elements from fiction to make your peronal narrative come to life. Sometimes you will have to reconsider whether you have told too much or not enough of the story. Ask yourself, why is this story memorable and what do you want readers to know about you or the situation after reading the story. These questions can help you figure out where you need more detail and what parts you can leave out.

First drafts are often choppy. Sometimes this is because they come out all in a big rush and end up in one or two big paragraphs that go all over the place. Try to figure out when there is a change in time or place (it can be a small change) and break up the paragraph into shorter paragraphs of about four to five sentences. You may find that some sentences, phrases or ideas need to be moved around to make it work. You don't have to go strictly in chronological (time) order, just because it's a true story. You can use flashbacks if you wish.

Another reason first drafts sometimes sound choppy is because in an effort to get it all down or reach the minimum length, students may repeat themselves. Look for words or phrases that come up frequently and try to rephrase. A good way to make your writing sound smoother is to actually hear it. Either read it aloud or have someone read it to you. You'll be surprised at how many changes you'll want to make on your own. These sheets from your textbook quthors will help with smoothing your language: combining sentences and revising problem sentences.

Revision and Draft 2 Grades

You must turn in both drafts 1 and 2, typed. The first draft must be the same copy we worked on in conference which you have then further marked up with the changes you made. You must also submit the conference sheet with the draft. The second draft must be a clean draft. You will receive two grades on your second draft, a quality grade and a revision grade, and each will count twice.

This self-evaluation sheet may be helpful as well.

Draft 2 Quality Grade

The first grade (counted twice) will be your second draft quality grade, which is based on:

The narrative must be a true story
It needs to have the elements of a story (rather than a description or scene or series of loosely connected events or ideas)
Chooses the most important and effective parts of the story to describe in detail
Creates characters
The piece should be meaningful to the writer and express something important about the writer or insightful about the world or human nature
The writing shows instead of tells
The writing is descriptive and specific, using appropriate sensory imagery, and details that convey character and mood
The writing is smooth, concise and interesting to read
Organized well and uses paragraphs effectively
Dialogue is used effectively where appropriate
The language is appropriate, neither overly formal nor slang
Spell checked
The piece meets the minimum of 2 pages typed, double spaced
The piece is presented in the standard typing format and labeled as memoir draft 2

Revision Grade

The second grade (counted twice) is a revision grade which is based on making significant changes based on our conversation during our conference.

You will not receive any credit for revision unless you turn in both drafts and mark your revisions on draft 1.
I will be looking at the conference sheet and the changes you marked on your first draft.
Your grade will be based on thoughtful, significant changes, that improve your piece
Please see the instructions above, under "How to Revise" to understand the scope of the kinds of changes required.
Editing is not revising. If you simply spell-check your work and fix a few sentences, you will not receive a passing grade for revising.